The Importance of Being Earnest

I hung out with Corbin the other night for the first time in a while. We went and saw Super 8 and then we made our way to a 24 hour coffee shop where we proceeded to sit and talk until 3:30 in the morning. As we talked, I started to come to a pretty unpleasant realization. The reason Corbin is such a good guy is that he's genuine. But that's not the unpleasant bit.

The unpleasant bit is that I noticed how genuine Corbin is. Not because it was an unusual thing for him, but because it was an unusual thing for me. As we were talking (about life, about school, about movies, about everything), I started to think back over the past couple of months. I thought about the various people I'd been in nearly the exact same situation with (sitting in a coffee shop, having a conversation), and how different it had been. How I was never able to relax; how I was constantly wondering what the other person thought of me, or if he or she was being open with me; how I watched what I said, and never let myself be me. And yet there I was, with Corbin, saying everything that came to my mind and actually enjoying myself.

I thought about the first time I ever hung out with Cory, and how he told me that one of the things he values in others is earnestness. "It's the opposite of phoniness. And it's no good condemning phoniness. I should just encourage its opposite." I agreed with him then, but I'd never really applied it to my own life until now.

I'm probably gonna get a lot of flak for this next bit if the wrong people are reading this blog, but it's how I feel so I'll say it anyway. The thing about the theatre department is that the majority of people who run the show (so to speak) are actors. In my experience with actors, I've found that they often put on kind of a front, even in real life. We all do, really, but perhaps being in theatre brings that quality out more so than in other professions. Or perhaps the theatre simply draws in those who are used to acting in their own lives already. I don't really know-- I'm a writer, not a psychologist. 

I'm not saying that everyone in the theatre department is that way. In fact, I think it tends to be more of a group characteristic, because on an individual basis people tend to be a lot better. But those who shun that way of social interaction tend to be on the fringes rather than in with the crowd.

At any rate, I've sort of been drawn into all of this posturing and trying to impress others business. So much so that I've forgotten what it's like to have real friends. Friends like Cory, and Corbin, and my friends from back home, and from other departments. People who are down to earth, and who aren't so afraid to be themselves. People who don't mistake friendliness for romantic interest. People who value earnestness and good naturedness and honesty. I'm ready to get all that back.