Jealousy is a funny thing, isn't it? I feel like it isn't so much a singular feeling as it is a group of related, distinctly unpleasant feelings. Confusion, inadequacy, anger, contempt, arrogance, envy, sadness, and probably a bunch of other things all wrapped into one. The only thing I hate more than feeling jealous is feeling humiliated. The difference is, humiliation is more or less momentary and is forgotten soon enough. Jealousy can eat away at a person if left unchecked.
I think it's reasonable to assume that no one really enjoys feeling jealous. And yet so many people try their damnedest to make others jealous. And that's kind of what makes it so interesting to me. There are people out there who would never think to try to humiliate another person because they think it would be mean or they recognize that it's against society's moral code. They would never try to physically harm someone for the sake of seeing them hurt. But these same people will go out of their way to try to make someone jealous-- a feeling that is uncomfortable at best and painful at worst. It's like this passive aggressive form of sadism that we all more or less accept as a normal part of life.
I find that in most cases people try to make others jealous because they themselves are jealous. An eye for an eye, right? But making someone jealous doesn't ever seem to ease your own pain the way you'd hope it would. I know, I've been there. Everyone has been there. It leaves little more than a hollow satisfaction that departs as quickly as it arrives-- if it ever does.
In a world where we're all plugged in to each others lives via texting and social networking, it's easy to let ourselves give over to little temptations. Post a few pictures of yourself partying up with strange guys for your ex boyfriend to see. Write a blog post about how much better your life is now that whats-her-name-that-skank is out of your life. Gloat on facebook about how your team won that oh-so-important game against your rival. Mostly we got over doing these things in high school... but sometimes we slip. If we're hurting badly enough, if we're feeling ignored, or if all we want is to trade places with someone else.
Being the hugely insecure person that I am, jealousy and envy used to be kind of a big problem for me. About a year and a half ago I started reading up on Buddhist philosophy, and they talk a lot about letting go of attachment and giving into genuine affection. It seems to me that jealousy stems from unhealthy attachment mixed with dissatisfaction with oneself.
I'm not saying I don't get jealous anymore. I do, just like everybody else. But instead of giving into all those negative emotions, I ask myself whether or not I care about the person I'm jealous of. If the answer is yes, then I allow myself to feel good about their happiness or success. If the answer is no, then I recognize that it's just not worth it and I move on.
And if you're out there right now trying to make someone else jealous, do yourself a favor. Just let go.
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